Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A Different View of Pregnancy

I've wanted to document how this pregnancy has been different from my pregnancy with Joseph for a while now, but have had a hard time sorting through all my thoughts. This past Friday at mom's group we were discussing the differences between our first and second pregnancies. This helped me process my thoughts and realize that my experience is not unique.

I've been a little cautious about writing this post because I haven't been as ecstatic about this pregnancy as I was when I was pregnant with Joseph. It isn't that I don't want to be pregnant, or that I somehow don't appreciate and love this baby as much I love and appreciate Joseph. It's just that the newness of pregnancy has worn off and the reality of having a toddler in the house has set in. I'm much busier now than I was when I was pregnant with Joseph. I don't have time to stare at my stomach in awe when the little guy kicks around. Those precious kicks have - somehow - become commonplace. The size of my stomach isn't the wondrous gift that it was with Joseph. It's more of a hindrance to me when trying to pick up or wrangle Joseph.

So, while I've enjoyed being pregnant this go 'round well enough. It just isn't as exciting as it was with Joseph. One major difference, however, is my appreciation for being pregnant. When I found out we were pregnant with Joseph I had a bit of an entitled attitude. As in - "Yeesh. That took forever!" (it didn't actually take that long for us to get pregnant, but I wanted to be pregnant RIGHT. NOW. So, it felt like forever.). I somehow felt that I deserved to be able to get (and stay) pregnant right away.

37 weeks with #2
This time I was more in awe of the gift that God had given us. I understood that this was a gift - a gift that many people don't receive. I had a much better sense of just how precious life is. When I first saw the positive result on the pregnancy test I was shocked and elated and overwhelmed with gratitude. I immediately began to pray thanking God for this precious gift of new life. All that afternoon I kept looking at the cross and smiling and praying again. It was surreal. I really didn't think we'd get pregnant so soon. It was also a blessing that Will was working from home the day I found out, so I got to tell him right away. I didn't experience this kind of excitement when I found out we were pregnant with Joseph.

I wish I had been less selfish the first time around so I was able to take in the wonder of God's creation. And I'm grateful for the work God has done to my heart so that I was able to catch a glimpse of His Greatness with our second, precious son.

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